Hello. Welcome. Take a look around and make yourself comfortable. What I will attempt to accomplish here in the next hour or so is to define a generalized outline of what it is that I am looking to accomplish using the space and visibility here at crazyskills.com. Here it is. Here we go. Your mileage may vary.
Stamped the moment in time when I decide it is time to start sharing, to post, to put it all out there. It is critical that this be done. I have been waiting for the time. The time is right now. Welcome to my experiment.
I am at the bottom.
Don't take me wrong; I have an awesome family; a supportive and forgiving wife, three incredible kids, and four cats - representing four different catlike extremes. And a dog, whatever. I'm on the brink of something. I'm sitting carelessly on the edge of a high cliff where falling off of which would mean an uncomfortably extended freefall paired with a difficult and painful landing.
The chorus continues, at least that's what I like to call them. They're the constant, yet perpetually changing presence kindly offering me, dissuading me, helping, hinting, distracting, taunting, cautioning, warning me to not continue for an endless list of reasons; every time I shut one of them down, there's another right there in its place. It's a perpetual effing whak-a-mole in my subconscious, and as far as I have understood, not only can I not silence this, but there may be no way to do so, short of some serious twisting, or perhaps some dark, dark magic.
Ignoring those reasons for a moment, I've dealt with some very real concerns in voicing anything of potential worth; one of these falls under the "So what do you expect to accomplish and how does any of what you've done help you to get there?" category. I'm missing some of the most fundamental understandings of how things work. I have spent years upon exhausting years working to understand what causes people to do things and why people do negative things to each other. I have also tried again and again to understand how to write, studying the spelling and grammar, verb tenses, participles and gerunds. I have not mastered these concepts so I allowed that to be the reason I couldn't write yet, when I needed a reason why. The truth is I've never been short of a reason not to write.
Sometimes it makes the best sense to understand the most basic application of a skill in order to build off of that and then gain the ability to reach your goal. When something keeps me from proceeding toward my goal, and then I get caught on an IF/THEN/ELSE loop, never meeting the criteria to qualify an exit, the exercise which was initially taken on to help me to achieve my goal is flatly standing in my way of doing so. I never liked the proclamation of those as rabbit trails, because that makes them sound like they don't have any value or purpose. I think of them as side quests or subroutines. But then, if I am unable to perform one and return back to the main trunk, what's the difference?
That's a basic item of clarity. That is a way in which my brain is clearly damaged. I can see, describe, record, and measure that.
Perhaps if I am able to identify these places where my cognition and comprehension appear to be intact, yet the overall basic function is lacking, I can either target those areas for work and rehabilitation, or identify them and put in place a functional workaround. The purpose of the writing down is to track not only my progress but where I've been. The purpose of sharing it with you involves accountability and more, to be expanded upon later. I am doing this with hope that it may be of use to someone, and perhaps a little bit fun here and there as well.
Thanks for visiting; it's a long road ahead.